I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
