Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
as a side note pls kill me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
