Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A bitchslap is in order.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
