i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
