We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is my gift to your gina
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
