I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
