Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
