good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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