I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
