So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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