Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
