I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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