Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
