I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
