that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
