i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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