I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
