I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
