hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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