It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
