I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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