I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
