if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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