stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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