In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
