I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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