ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
