If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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