He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
