Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize