I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
