...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
