I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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