never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
