he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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