went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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