One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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