That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
