is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
