Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
