well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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