Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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