A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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