My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Randomize
