last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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