It's Friday. Sex?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
