I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
