omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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