Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
