you traded sex for a burrito?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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