i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
