I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
