i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
