I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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