NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
