Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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