they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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