so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My bed smells like the plague
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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