his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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