you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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