Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
