somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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