I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
