Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
