Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
